How to Play Chess with a Long-Distance Partner

The hard part of long-distance isn't the missing — it's the running out of things to do together. You can only watch so many movies in sync over Discord. Cooking the same recipe at the same time loses its novelty by the third try. Talking about your day takes twenty minutes and then you're both staring at the camera wondering what's next.

Chess is one of the better answers to this problem. It fills time. It's interactive. It doesn't require you to perform conversation. And weirdly — once you both get into it — it becomes one of the more intimate things you can do together over video.

Why chess works for long-distance

A few reasons it lands better than most "things to do together over video":

It's mostly silent, in a good way. You're focused on the same thing. The silence isn't awkward — it's the comfortable silence of two people sharing an activity. Like being in the same room reading different books.

It's just-hard-enough to take attention. Watching a movie together over video, you're usually half-distracted by your phone. Chess takes your full focus, which means for that hour, you're really with them.

There's natural conversation built in. "Wait, why'd you move there?" "I'm trying to set up a fork." "Oh that's actually clever." The post-move chatter is more interesting than "how was your day for the third time this week."

It scales with skill. You don't need to be good at chess. Two beginners can have just as good a time as two experts. You'll improve together over months, which is its own bonding thing.

It's a ritual. "Friday night chess" becomes a thing you both look forward to. Long-distance relationships live or die on rituals.

The setup most couples try first (and why it kind of sucks)

The default move is Zoom plus chess.com. One of you is on the call, one of you screen-shares chess.com, you take turns calling out moves.

This works, technically. But you'll notice the friction within two games:

• Only one person actually moves pieces — the other has to verbally narrate moves
• The Zoom window is on top of the chess board or next to it, eating screen space
• Lag between the video and the board means you see them react before their move shows up
• On mobile (where a lot of long-distance play happens), it's basically unusable

A cleaner setup

ChessChat puts the board and the video in one window, designed together. You both move your own pieces. The video is a clean rectangle alongside the board, sized so you can actually read each other's expressions. No screen-sharing required.

To start a recurring chess date with your partner:

1. Create a private arena on ChessChat — you'll get a unique link.
2. Send them the link (text, iMessage, Signal, whatever).
3. Bookmark the link on both your devices — same URL works every time you want to play.
4. Schedule a recurring time. Friday night chess. Sunday morning chess. Whatever fits both your schedules.

[Create an Arena →]

Tips for making chess your long-distance ritual

Start with a shared time control. Pick something that fits the vibe. Rapid (10+0 or 15+10) is the sweet spot — long enough to think, short enough that you can play a few games in an hour.

Make it lower stakes than you think. You're not on chess.com grinding for ELO. Try weird openings. Play silly variants like Chess960 or "no queens." Lose on purpose sometimes.

Pair it with something else. Some couples cook dinner together over video, then play chess after. Some have wine-and-chess Saturdays. The chess gives the call a structure that "let's just video call" doesn't have.

Talk during the game, not just between. The whole point of being on video is that you're together. Comment on each other's moves. Trash talk. Tell stories while you think. The board is the excuse, not the focus.

Save and review interesting games. ChessChat saves your game history. Going back together to look at "that crazy game from three weeks ago" is its own little ritual.

What if one of you is much better than the other?

Common situation in long-distance chess. A few things that work:

Time handicap. The stronger player gets less time on the clock. A 5-minute vs 15-minute game can be very even.

Material handicap. Stronger player removes a piece (a knight is the classic). Cuts the skill gap fast.

Teaching mode. ChessChat has a mode that highlights legal moves for whoever's learning, which lets the stronger player coach without it being condescending.

Just play different games. If chess isn't quite landing, the same setup works for other games — checkers, Connect 4, etc. Don't force it if it's not the right fit.

What if we never played chess before?

Even better, honestly. Learning a thing together is one of the best long-distance bonding moves there is. You're both bad. You're both improving. You have shared inside jokes about your worst blunders.

The first few games will be rough — you'll forget how knights move, you'll leave queens hanging — but the learning curve is part of the fun. There are great free tutorials on Lichess and chess.com to learn the basic rules in 20 minutes, and then the rest you just pick up by playing.

Ready to start your weekly chess date?

[Create a Private Arena →]

Send the link to your partner. Pick a time. See what happens.